Worry
Worry tends to involve lots of thoughts that come one after another, which involve events in the future or in the past.
Frequently, worry thoughts begin with things like “what if… if only I had…” or “I must remember to…”
Sometimes worrying can help make us do helpful things such as checking that we have turned off the oven but it can become a significant problem.
If you answer “yes” to the following questions, then worrying might be a problem for you.
- Do you spend a lot of your time worrying?
- Does worrying make you feel really upset and anxious?
- Does worrying stop you getting a good sleep at night?
- Does worrying prevent you enjoying yourself and getting on with things during the day, at home or at work?
- Do you feel that your worrying is “out of control” or that once you start you just cannot stop?
- Do you feel worrying has affected your health (for example giving you stomach aches, headaches or diarrhea)?
Worrying about things can make you anxious. Many people suffer from anxiety without realizing what it is. When you are anxious, you may notice things like:
- Heart rate speeding up, sweaty skin or going pale
- Feeling upset, irritable angry or on edge
- Feeling that something terrible is about to happen
- Dry throat or mouth
- Muscular aches and pains and headaches
- Feeling tired, lacking energy
- Poor digestion – stomach aches
- Concentration problems, mind racing, sleep problems
The more anxious you get, the more you worry and the more you worry, the more anxious you become! It becomes a vicious circle; this is why it is really important to learn how to manage your emotions in a healthy way.
What can you do about it?
Step 1 – Notice it
Notice when you are worrying or feeling anxious. If you recognize the signs of anxiety mentioned above, or you notice you are thinking thoughts like those outlined, take notice of them – do not ignore them.
Step 2 – “Stop!”
When you notice you are worrying, say “STOP!” to yourself, and concentrate on a different thought and/or do something else to actively distract yourself. Try to think/do something that is positive, relaxing and/or enjoyable, e.g. reading, watching TV, cooking, calling a friend, doing a hobby or playing a sport.
Step 3 – Worry Time
Think about identifying a certain time in your day when it would be OK to worry – but limit the amount of time you spend worrying – no more than ten to fifteen minutes is needed. This is your “worry time” when you can focus on what it is that is causing you to worry and try to generate some solutions. If you find yourself worrying at a time when you have other things to do (such as when you are at work or at bedtime, or while you are trying to concentrate on something else), tell yourself to stop and put off the worries until later. This is not about avoiding problems but is about putting what is worrying you into perspective and dealing with it when you are not distracted by other things.
Step 4 – Self-talk
If you find yourself worrying about the same thing over and over (for example, “I’ll start my new job and no one will like me”) then write down the opposite, “positive” thought (for example, “People will like me – I’m a nice person”). Every time you notice yourself worrying about this thought challenge your thinking. Use the ‘questioning yourself’ strategy identified earlier in the module and counter your worry with the positive thought. You could even write the positive thought or statement down on a small card and carry it with you to remind yourself of it.
There are other ways to deal with your negative self-talk: first take time to observe the thought, without fighting it. Learn to see your negative thought as a cloud passing over your head. Practice watching this cloud (your thought) pass in front of your eyes and watch it move away. Always with slow, deep breathing. So learn to accept the presence of your negative thoughts without struggle and then do something healthy and enjoyable for you. Learn to do mindfulness. You can learn that your thoughts are just thoughts, not truths.
Step 5 – Problem Solving
This is something you can try by yourself, or with another person. A problem shared is a problem halved! If you can tell someone you trust what your problem is, they can often help you with solving or coping with it. See the section on problem solving to learn how to improve this skill.
